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My kids say funny stuff, too 6

16 Oct

Occasionally, I rebel against the mashed potato and un-sauced meat diet that keeps my family fed. Then, I go to the hot food and salad bars at Whole Foods and pile a mish-mash of green things into a box to eat while the heathens make their daily sacrifice to the Gods of Meat.

Recently, my son looked inquiringly at my plate. “Whatcha got there?” he asked. Because hope truly does spring eternal, I jumped at the chance to introduce him to foods without hooves.

“Well,” I said, “This is cole slaw, that’s tofu and this is broccoli.”

He didn’t turn away, so I continued on a tour of my dinner plate.

“This is quinoa salad and that, with the yogurt, is falafel.”

He looked at me and said,  “Now you’re just making up words.”

My kids say funny stuff, too 3

11 Sep

I live with food heathens. While I will eat, and enjoy, pretty much anything (except liver), they are happy to subsist on chips, cheese and bacon. These are three of my favorite food groups, but I occasionally like to eat as if my heart mattered to me. Unfortunately, many of the things that only I will eat come in a package designed for a family of vegans, or, as my son might say, “A family of losers.” Hence, the following scenario is all too common.

Me (clearing out the fridge, flinging half-eaten containers of healthful foods in the nearby trash): Agh! Why don’t they make these in smaller containers? I’m so sick of throwing away hummus!

My husband: Oh, Bah Hummus!

Me, after several seconds of glaring at him: Oh, my god. You didn’t just say that. Daughter, come shoot your daddy in the head.

Daughter (whining): But then I’d have to go to juvie!

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