Archive | April, 2013

Play ball!

30 Apr
soccer player

Photo: Nike

Last night, one of my first graders looked up at me with his huge warm eyes and said, “Miss Janice, I was tricked today.”

“Oh,” I said, “How were you tricked?”

“Some other boys were talking about balls and they were telling me to talk about balls, too.  And so I told them that I like balls and they laughed.”

He hesitated. I thought he might cry.

“And then I found out they weren’t talking about soccer balls. They were talking about private balls.”



Fifty Shades of Cleaning

23 Apr

A little background: I love cookbooks; I read them like novels.


I have a guilty secret. Well, it’s not that big of a secret. We have cleaning ladies; they aren’t particularly good. Now, you probably know that money’s pretty tight around here, so you may rightly ask, “Why do you have cleaning ladies, Janice? Particularly ones that don’t do a very good job?”

We have cleaning ladies because we are wimps and our son reminds us on a regular basis. The head cleaning lady has worked for us more than 17 years. She is old, she is sad, her health is poor, her daughter has cancer. Neither my husband nor I can bring ourselves to fire her.

Occasionally, I will decide I am a heartless beast and our family budget is more important. Invariably, that will be the day she tells me her daughter has had a relapse, or she herself has diabetes, or her granddaughter–who has no health insurance–has been passing the same gall stone for 11 months.*

Still, our son insists she must be fired. His latest gambit is that we, the family, can do a better job than she does. He is right, of course.

“But,” I said, “when you say ‘we can do a better job’, you are actually saying ‘Mom can do a better job’.”

“We can clean the house,” he insisted.

“You won’t do a good job,” I countered.

“So, you’ll supervise,” he said. “You can sit there on the couch with your tea and read Fifty Shades of Cooking while we do all the work.”


* These are all true. . .I think.


Pants on fire

16 Apr

PantsOnFireTwo bits of background are necessary for today’s entry in “my kids say the darnedest things.” I regularly lose my glasses. I don’t need them to read, so take them off any time reading is required. So, I find them in the kitchen, the bathroom, on my nightstand, in the key bowl. Really, just about anywhere in the house.

At the same time, my daughter has developed a penchant for fooling us by telling blatant untruths. Things like, “Mommy, I failed math this semester.” I am rather gullible and frequently fall for her foolery.

About two weeks ago, I was on yet another hunt for my eye wear. Exasperated at my failed attempts, I asked my family for help.

“Have you seen my glasses?” I asked.

“Geez, Mom,” my daughter replied, “they’re on top of your head!”

“Really?” I asked my husband, and reached for the top of my head.

“Don’t listen to her!” was his response. “She’s a liar!”

What would Buddha do?

9 Apr

IMG_1358My son and I were watching TV. A commercial came on that my son found funny, in a bad way. He made a derisive comment, then caught himself.

“I guess I shouldn’t make fun of a commercial about cancer,” he said.

“Pretty bad karma, I’d say,” I said.

“What would you know about karma?” was his reply, followed by, “Oh. Right. . .you’re a Buddhist.”

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